last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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