God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
