You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
