I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
