Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
