Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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