When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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