You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
