How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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