You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
