Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
