Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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