So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
