No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
