Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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