dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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