I wanna bring you to show and tell
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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