I think my vagina is haunted
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize