I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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