a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
