Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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