My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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