K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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