I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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