the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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