What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
