Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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