is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
third nipple confirmed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize