if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize