Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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