it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
