Tell her she can't have a vagina
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
