Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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