You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
