I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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