when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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