I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
