my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
