I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
