Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
