At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
