His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
