It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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