My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
