You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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