Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
