That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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