Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
