I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
