omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
