Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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