we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize