I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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