oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
