Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
