Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
