my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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