Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
