You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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