i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
