my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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