3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize