Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
