I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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