.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
