So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
