i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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