Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
